


Real Life is Tragic Enough

by cemeterycardio



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, Depression, F/F, Flashbacks, Graphic Description of Corpses, Hurt/Comfort, I can't contain my choni feelings anymore, I need an angst outlet I'm sorry, Motorcycles, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Southside Serpent Cheryl Blossom, Suicide mention, cheryl has ptsd, cheryl is a babe, choni, death mention, toni is a softie, toni tries not to be overwhelmed by it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2019-09-30 04:46:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17217236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cemeterycardio/pseuds/cemeterycardio
Summary: Welcome to Cheryl and Toni's spectacular summer vacation! Why does Stone Cold Cheryl Blossom turn into a pile of pudding for Toni Topaz, you ask? Well, the reasons are as numerous as they are angsty.





	1. Fumes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never done this with one of my fics before but I'm doing a re-write that I hope will enrich the story and give me a little more leeway to take these girls on an adventure worth reading. Thanks for sticking with me - chapter 1 rewrite is complete.

It’s the first week of summer and Cheryl and Toni decide to take a much needed vacation from Riverdale. Toni suggested riding their motorcycles cross-country and Cheryl, never one to turn down an adventure, agreed wholeheartedly.

  
Looking back, a slightly more air-conditioned option would’ve been adequate – nice, even. Possibly sublime. Cheryl feels as though she’s crisping at the edges like a fried egg every time they pull to a stop on the blistering asphalt. She watches the air shimmer on the pavement, a mirage apparent in the gas station parking lot a block away. She glances from the red light to her alarmingly empty gas gauge, impatiently tapping the toe of her heeled boot on the ground. She just knows Toni is smirking at her impatience and she refuses to acknowledge it.

  
The light turns green after a lifetime and Cheryl eagerly revs her bike; it jolts forward, sputters, and then goes utterly, frighteningly silent.

  
“Shit, shit, shit,” Cheryl mutters, keeping her boots on the pegs and coasting down the block. There’s a woman pushing a stroller across the entrance to the gas station, blissfully unaware of Cheryl’s unprecedented approach. Toni’s horn sounds behind her and Cheryl yells something cross and incoherent. The woman turns towards the racket, goes wide-eyed as she scrambles out of the way, and yells something decidedly _not incoherent_ at the redhead skittering towards the nearest pump. Cheryl can hear Toni’s laugh as the engine on Toni’s bike (purposefully) cuts off.

  
“So what have we learned?” Toni says from her languid position on her bike at the pump across from hers. It’s a shame Cheryl’s bike can’t run on her own fuming energy; she could go for days.

  
“That you’re an ass,” Cheryl says with an eye roll, flicking her braid over her shoulder.

  
“ _Moi_?” Toni faux gasps, raising an eyebrow. Cheryl answers with a glare. Toni laughs again. “Just because I say we can probably make it to the next gas station without stopping doesn’t mean we _should try_ , Bombshell.” Toni’s use of the nickname softens her and Cheryl doesn’t currently possess the energy to act as though it doesn’t. Her girlfriend walks around the pump and puts her hands on the redhead’s shoulders. “This isn’t the Indy 500, babe; we’re on vacation. We don’t need to race.” Toni says and kisses her sunburned cheek.

  
Cheryl sighs, her posture melting into Toni just a bit more than she’d like. Riding all day in the sun has made her tired, and additionally, being irritable is perhaps the most tiring activity of all. She’s ready for a break.

  
“So,” Toni drags the word out like a hard pull on a cigarette. “What do you say we find a place for the night?” She can feel her dark jeans stick to her skin and she wants nothing more than to shed them for a pair of shorts, but as long as they’re riding she’d take sweaty legs over bug-covered bare shins any time. The rest of Cheryl’s resolve melts as she thinks of crawling into a comfortable bed with her girlfriend. Her whole body aches.

  
“I don’t think my ass can take another mile,” Cheryl winces as she dismounts, turning to crack her back. Toni chuckles.

  
Cheryl is always stunning but Toni thinks there’s something irresistible about seeing her wild like this. Wisps of copper escape her windswept braid, framing sun- and wind-burned cheeks. Her porcelain skin is barely visible, but between the top of her tight jeans and her crop top, Cheryl’s ruby belly-button piercing catches the light through the gap in her now unzipped Serpent jacket. And then there’s the thigh high boots. Those boots alone had been plaguing Toni’s mind for most of the last hundred miles. Not that she’ll admit it (not easily at least).

  
“Don’t tell me the great Cheryl Blossom is pussying out on me,” Toni says, attempting to gain some kind of upper hand (although over her or Cheryl she doesn’t know). “We’re only several hundred miles in,” she raises her eyebrows in a challenge. Cheryl rolls her eyes.

  
“TT, there are better phrases than that, I assure you.” She turns to fuel up her own bike as Toni walks around to do the same.

  
“I’m sorry I ever used “pussy” in a negative fashion. Better?” Toni huffs but tries to keep a straight face as she waits for Cheryl to turn around. The pump starts with a weary  _ka-chunk_ in her hand as she waits, and waits, and… “Cher?”

  
“I think the sun baked my brain,” Cheryl mutters as Toni saunters around, hits the necessary button, and reaches around to pump the gas for her.

  
“Let’s get something to eat. Do you want to go back to that diner we passed just as we got into town? A little home away from home?” Toni says, wrapping an arm around the taller girl’s waist.

  
“Eww, let’s not get grossly sentimental,” Cheryl’s face contorts in disgust. “But… a milkshake does sounds epic right now,” her expression quickly changes to one of excitement as she smiles down at Toni.

  
“You’re the one that’s waxing poetic all the time,” Toni says with a smile. “Seriously, you read more than anyone I know. I’m surprised you only brought along one book,” her eyebrows scrunch up in amused confusion. Toni can’t recall a time she’d seen Cheryl without a book. More often than not, she’d find her girlfriend absently twirling a lock of her hair, nose in a book, completely and blissfully unaware of the world around her. Toni envied it. She had lost the ability to lose herself in other worlds; her reality was too demanding to escape. And now, with Cheryl, she didn’t want to escape it for even a moment.

  
“I need an escape more than anyone you know,” Cheryl responds quietly, her tone somber as she breaks Toni’s reverie. Toni frowns as this is a direct contradiction to her last thought. Toni doesn’t often feel inadequate, but-

  
“But you’re the best escape of all. Thank you for this trip, TT.” Cheryl bends down and kisses Toni lightly on her cheek.

  
“Any time, Bombshell.” Toni clears her throat. “Any time. Can you handle the rest of this or do you need me to ride your bike for you too?” Toni teases to lighten the mood, squeezing Cheryl’s waist with one arm while gesturing at the pump with the other. At Cheryl’s eye roll, she turns to go back to her own bike, surprised as Cheryl playfully swats her ass. But after being on a motorcycle all day… “Honestly babe, my ass is so numb I barely felt that.”

  
“I guess I’ll have to try harder,” Cheryl says smoothly, as she replaces the pump and gets back on her bike with a smile. Toni, for her part, nearly trips in her black leather boots. She hopes Cheryl didn’t see it as she listens to the redhead’s engine start beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a bit of cotton candy fluff to start off with. What book do you think our favorite horror enthusiast brought along?
> 
> If you would like to beta-read this fic, please let me know!


	2. Territory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're ready for Suffering™ (with only one bed). [Chapter 2 rewrite is complete]

The threat of friendly neighborhood serial killers aside, the unconventional ways of Riverdale don’t allow for many sleepovers between teenage girlfriends. Cheryl and Toni had spent a smattering of nights together, each filled with very little sleep. Cheryl now presided over her estate, but barriers remained even without Penelope prowling Thornhill like a plague.

Toni's discomfort with the Manor was nearly palpable, although she tried to keep it to herself. She couldn't fault Cheryl for the cold, unfeeling atmosphere of a house entirely devoid of love. Toni's trailer was so different, it seemed everything was bursting at the seams from being loved too much - especially the (likely carcinogenic) sofa. Thornhill felt like a funeral home in comparison.

True to her Serpent family, Toni wasn't easily bought. Money bought hardly more than entitlement, a lesson learned from numerous Northside bullies. The extravagance of the Blossom household did little to impress her and much to disgust her. However, Cheryl's contrast to her territory was reason enough for the unexpected attraction Toni had for her. Cheryl melted for her. Her intelligence and wit distinguished her as a Blossom, but the greedy darkness so apparent in the rest of the family didn't surface under Toni's gaze.

Aside from Toni’s misgivings, nights apart happened frequently because Cheryl valued her privacy. Toni's presence was warm and grounding, but she wasn't expected to weather every storm. Regardless, Cheryl would not be turned into a trophy case of trauma under anyone's pitiful gaze. Nights were the hardest of all, and the thought of exposing Toni to their terrors sometimes made them harder still. Sleep was a luxury even Thornhill couldn't provide, even after it was nearly vacated.  Some walls can’t talk, but the walls of Thornhill, like any Blossom they housed, had quite a lot to say and wouldn’t be discouraged by meager impossibilities.

Cheryl had been a light sleeper since Jason died. At first she was kept awake by grief, the weight of her sorrow enough to fatigue her body but not her mind. Then, as everything came to light about her father, she hardly slept for fear of Clifford putting a gun to her own head. After all, if he’d killed his firstborn son, what was stopping him from killing his only daughter?

The blanket of grief, albeit suffocating, was almost a comfort from the stress. Depression blurred the razor sharp edges of her anxiety and there was peace to be found in the calm, dark seas. Amidst the waves, grief remained indistinguishable from loneliness. She had lost the only person in the world who had truly loved her, the only person in the world she had truly loved. Her friendships were shallow; her parents were hateful and abusive. There wasn’t anything she had wanted more in life than to die and join her brother. She had tried to drown herself with his ghost in Sweetwater river, and afterwards everyone had been more concerned about Archie’s broken arm than her well-being.

After that, her mother fed her paranoia on a silver platter until Cheryl was certain that she’d gone mad.

So when she does sleep, it doesn’t feel like sleeping; it feels like reliving her worst fears. It feels suffocating and nauseating and entrapping, like seeing Jason’s bloody ghost reaching for her under the ice-encased water so many months ago. It feels like that first panicked breath underwater.

Cheryl copes by forgetting. Remembering is an excruciating experience, and in all her eloquence she cannot begin to explain the thoroughness or the ferocity of that pain. So while her conscious mind hyper-focuses on the present, her subconscious, easy enough to beat during the day, brings her worst memories to life in her dreams.

Sometimes Cheryl jolts awake as she hits the bottom of the stairs in Nana Rose’s wheelchair. Occasionally she wakes with a startling cough as she feels the air stopper in the windpipe she shares with her father. On truly bad nights she wakes up screaming just after her father pulls the trigger against Jason’s forehead. Sometimes, rarely, she burns with her mother (and she prefers those to the other three). There’s no fight left in her by the time she’s exhausted enough to fall asleep, and she wakes up repeatedly, beaten and bereft.

Cheryl kept all of this from Toni, fearful of pity and loss in equal measure.

 

* * *

 

After a long day of riding in the sun, a full stomach after dinner at the diner, and the comfort of her girlfriend’s body nearby, Cheryl falls asleep faster and more soundly than she has in months, if not years.

Toni is not as lucky. She can’t get comfortable – her aching muscles refuse to relax. She tosses and turns, trying to find a place where her hips aren’t painfully digging into the stony, squeaky hotel mattress. She swears she can feel the outline of every spring beneath her.

Part of her wants to cuddle with Cheryl but the cheap motel doesn’t have air conditioning and on top of that she is still a little frustrated over the boots ( _and that slap?_ ) and being closer to her girlfriend is not going to help matters. She sighs and turns over again, glaring at the stupid framed watercolor on the wall. Finally, she gets comfortable, and then it occurs to her that she has to pee and she could just cry from how angry she is about being fully awake again. She gets up and stalks to the bathroom, not bothering to close the door or turn on the light, which, of course, causes her to stub her toe on her way back to bed. She grumbles angrily as Cheryl, ever so slightly disturbed by the racket, sprawls out directly in the middle of the bed.

 _Great_.

To her credit, she tries valiantly to wake Cheryl up, but when talking to her doesn’t work after approximately 45 seconds she attempts to roll Cheryl over. She gently tucks Cheryl’s outstretched arm into her chest and pushes on her shoulder. Toni, in her express irritation, admittedly wasn’t thinking clearly. Still, nothing could’ve prepared her for Cheryl’s reaction. The redhead startles awake and blearily scrambles off the bed to get away from her.

“Babe,” Toni whispers, her anger gone and replaced with concern and confusion. She slowly sits down on the bed and extends her hand toward her girlfriend, placing her open palm on the blankets between them as an offering of comfort. Cheryl holds tightly to her knees, tucks almost painfully into herself in the corner, her eyes shut tightly while she quietly whispers to herself. “Cheryl,” Toni speaks as quietly as she had outside Thistlehouse while Nana Rose was wheeled into the ambulance, as solemnly as she had in her hospital room afterwards. “What is it?”

Cheryl doesn’t seem to see or hear her, and Toni is completely at a loss. She has never seen Cheryl upset like this. She has never seen _anyone_ upset like this. She gets up slowly and turns on the bedside lamp which flickers and hums and ticks like a June bug. She goes over to where Cheryl is curled up and sits down in front of her as gingerly as she has with a frightened stray dog at Sunnyside, completely unsure of how to proceed. What do you do with someone who is conscious but catatonic?

“Cheryl, baby,” Toni places a concerned hand over Cheryl’s white knuckle grip on her own arms. The redhead violently recoils, hits her head on the wall behind her with a crack and tears fall onto her porcelain cheeks. _Fuck_. Toni jumps back as though burned.

“It’s me, I’m right here. I’m right here. You’re not alone. You’re safe with me.” Toni keeps her voice calm and steady, not allowing the tremor she feels bleed through. Despite the muggy heat of the room, Cheryl begins to quiver desperately against the wall, her eyes shut tightly and mouth open in a silent sob.

Toni’s seconds feel like hours, and she panics. Her heartbeat sounds like a kettledrum in her ears. As she tries to come up with something – anything – that could be helpful, the memory of their conversation on the bleachers returns to her. At that point, she had helped encourage and console Cheryl by singing to her. Sure it seemed a little cheesy, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and so Toni tentatively starts to sing the song from the musical. Her voice starts out quiet and gravely, both from exhaustion and fear. She gets through the lyrics and the act of recalling them calms her slightly, gives her something to do and accomplish when the present situation seems so chaotic. Cheryl, however, is still unreachable after the song. Toni keeps singing, finding it a distraction and comfort to herself if nothing else. She leans her back against the wall next to her girlfriend, lost in her own songs. Miraculously, Cheryl’s cries abate and her breathing stabilizes. Toni doesn’t notice and she startles when Cheryl’s icy fingers grip her bicep.

“Hey, beautiful,” Toni’s quiet voice breaks with the spell over Cheryl, and she moves just enough to tentatively reach for her. Toni doesn’t touch Cheryl, still afraid of the recoil. She lets her hand hover just enough to feel heat pass over her skin. Cheryl bridges the gap to take her hand firmly in her own, lacing their fingers together. Toni swallows a sob.

“I’m sorry,” Cheryl’s voice is hoarse as though she has been screaming for hours. Toni wonders if she had been, deep in whatever mental dungeon she had been locked in. “I’m back now.” She looks sheepishly at Toni from beneath tear-soaked lashes. “Can I…” Toni’s heartbeat stutters as Cheryl’s breath catches. “Can I sit in your lap?”

Toni’s whole body relaxes, her posture deflating with relief as she moves to take Cheryl in her arms. Cheryl curls up in her lap, buries her face in Toni’s neck, and places a hand over Toni’s heart. Toni kisses her forehead softly and rests her chin on her head as she holds her in a vice grip.

“I like listening to your heart,” Cheryl whispers into Toni’s neck. They sit like this for a few minutes, the room silent but for the buzzing of the lamp, the sound of Toni’s even breathing, and the steady rush of her heart beneath Cheryl’s hand.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Toni says once she finds her voice again. “Where did you go?”

“Not right now, TT.” Her voice cracks and threatens to break all over again. “Please.”

“Okay, baby,” Toni kisses her forehead again and pulls her impossibly tighter to her chest, worry and sorrow seeping into every part of her body as Cheryl relaxes slowly in her arms and Toni’s heartbeat lulls her back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, I'll be listening to Daughter and crying wbu
> 
> If you'd like to beta-read this fic, please let me know!


	3. losing myself to the same shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone hides their feelings and nothing hurts... right?

          The shrill ring of the phone snapped Toni out of her half-slumber. She had dozed off with Cheryl on the floor and her back and neck pinched and ached. Cheryl jerked slightly in her lap, turning further into the warm curve of Toni’s neck. Toni squinted at the clock on the nightstand; the flickering neon display read 6:01AM. Toni sighed, cracking her neck and squeezing her girlfriend slightly, too afraid of waking her up by jostling her again.

          “Morning, beautiful,” Toni’s rough voice broke into Cheryl’s mind, rousing her into consciousness. She hadn’t had any dreams after she had fallen asleep in Toni’s arms. Her mind let her rest in a blissful void and she was grateful. It took her a moment to remember where they were as she opened her brown eyes and saw knotty pine walls and mustard shag carpet. _Definitely_ not home.

          “Hey.” The redhead’s voice was barely more than a whisper after the amount of crying she had done in the night. She kissed her girlfriend’s jaw and moved away to stretch. “Ugh, everything hurts.”

          “Tell me about it,” Toni grimaced, turning her head at a comical angle in order to stretch her neck. “Maybe we should take it easy today?” She suggested. “Stay in?” She didn’t really want to stay in this cramped, musty motel room all day but she thought maybe if she suggested it Cheryl would take the break she surely needed to rest.

          “Absolutely not, TT,” Cheryl said, her voice firm. She leaned back on her arms, falling back into her HBIC demeanor. “There’s a world to see out there, and I plan to see most of it before we have to go back to Riverhell.” Toni smiled at Cheryl’s enthusiasm for the trip and disdain for their small town. She was relieved to see her back in normal spirits. The Cheryl she had seen last night had scared her, and Toni Topaz wasn’t afraid of much of anything.

          Cheryl, for her part, could read Toni like a book. The other girl’s concern and trepidation was written all over her face and Cheryl was kicking herself for appearing weak. No one would want a slobbering mess of a girl to date, it was inexcusable of her to let her mental guard down and allow that to happen in front of Toni. She just had to prove that she was still in charge and in control of herself, that was all. It wasn’t difficult; this was a façade she put on daily, one as comfortable as her bright red lipstick. She smiled brightly as she bounced up from the floor, ignoring the way her back protested at the movement.

          “Alright,” Toni got up stiffly from the floor. “Do you want to shower first or get something to eat? Not to be Jughead about it but I’d hate to see a complimentary breakfast go to waste.” Her stomach growled loudly, making them both laugh.

          “Why don’t you go get breakfast while I shower?” Cheryl said, placing a brief kiss on Toni’s cheek. Toni nodded her agreement as Cheryl sauntered towards the bathroom. “Don’t miss me too much,” she chirped over her shoulder as she closed the bathroom door behind her. Toni sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. Her girlfriend was such a tease. She swiped her motel key off the nightstand and walked out the door in the Vixen practice outfit she had brought along as pajamas.

          Cheryl leaned heavily against the bathroom door once it was closed. She heard the jingle of keys and the door slam and she sighed, pushing herself off the door and assessing the damage in the mirror. _Not too bad_. She pulled at the skin around her cheekbones. Her eyes were puffy and her hair was mostly out of the braid she’d put it in before bed but it could’ve been worse. She had cried so hard that she had popped capillaries in her eyes before, so at least that hadn’t happened. She ran the ratty motel washcloth under the water until it was icy cold, holding it over her eyes as she sat down on the edge of the bubblegum pink tub. Her mind began to race with all the things Toni must be thinking about her. Who would want to be with someone who reacted like she had? What if Toni left her – just rode off without her one day? What if she ended up alone again, as alone as she had felt when Jason died? She removed the washcloth as her eyes started tearing up again. _Absolutely not. You are Cheryl fucking Bombshell, get yourself together._

           She turned and ran the water as hot as it would go, stripped and stepped into the nearly scalding stream of water. The temperature difference was enough to shock her mind into a different mood. She focused on the discomfort of the water pelting her sunburned skin. She stood under the water for a few minutes, letting it wash over her and turn her skin a spotty red underneath. The scent of her shampoo calmed her down and she used a generous amount of conditioner after rinsing it out of her hair. She was learning that you really couldn’t use too much conditioner on a motorcycle trip. She scrubbed forcefully at her skin as she let the conditioner soak, wishing she could shed it like a snake. She wanted a clean layer, one that was free of tears and shame, one that she felt belonged to her.

            The sound of the door slamming broke her out of her reverie. She sighed and turned the hot water off to rinse the conditioner out of her hair. The icy water woke her up more and shocked her muscles again. She turned the water off and heard footsteps in the other room, smiling slightly at the thought of Toni bustling around with their breakfast. She was lucky to be here with her and get away from the horrors at home. She just needed to _leave_ the horrors at home; this was a new, untarnished day to spend with her beautiful Serpent girlfriend.

          Cheryl dried herself off and swiped a towel over the foggy mirror, toweling her hair slightly before combing her fingers through it, achieving a messy but perfect look. She put on her signature lipstick and mascara before wrapping the towel around herself. Just as she put her hand on the doorknob, she heard the motel door slam again and frowned. Toni must’ve forgotten something. She shrugged and walked out of the bathroom to grab her outfit for the day. If it was anything like yesterday, the heat would be almost too much to bear. She put on red shorts and a white crop top and was about to start braiding her hair when she heard Toni’s key in the door.

          “Babe!” Toni yelled, and then looked slightly sheepish when she saw Cheryl on the bed. “Sorry, I thought you might still be in the shower. I brought pancakes!” Toni had brought a lot more than an oversized stack of pancakes. She also had a bowl of fruit, two cinnamon rolls, two cartons of milk, several tiny boxes of Trix cereal, and somehow she was also balancing a glass of orange juice and two cups of coffee. _Not to be Jughead about it, hmm_? Cheryl mused with a smile.

          “Why didn’t you make two trips with that?” Cheryl asked, reaching for the precariously placed pancakes being carried on top of the mugs of coffee. “Or is that what you were doing earlier? Is there more food in here that I haven’t noticed?” she glanced around the room.

          Toni’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean? I haven’t come back since I left when you got in the shower.” Cheryl blanched.

           “I heard the door, I just thought…” she trailed off.

           “Good old housekeeping,” Toni said cheerily, sipping on her coffee. “Gotta love staying places where they clean up after you. Look, they even made the bed we didn’t sleep in.” Toni laughed as she finished placing their smorgasbord on the small table. Cheryl looked skeptically at the bed. It was made, but not as crisply as it had been when they had first arrived. Toni’s cheer made her a little uneasy, but after she took a sip of the coffee that Toni handed her, she understood. “There’s nothing better than the first cup of coffee in the morning while you’re on vacation.”

          “I could think of something better,” Cheryl said, standing and pulling Toni towards her by the collar of her Vixens shirt. Toni’s eyes widened as Cheryl brought her into a fiery kiss.

          “Touché,” Toni said, clearing her throat when she pulled back after a few moments. “On that note, I’m going to shower so I don’t look like a hobo next to my hot girlfriend.”

          “You might want to wash your shirt while you’re at it,” Cheryl smirked down at her. In the surprise of being kissed so forcefully, Toni had sloshed her coffee, well, everywhere. Everywhere, that is, except on Cheryl whose white shirt remained spotless. _Great_. “Aren’t you going to eat?” Cheryl asked.

          “I already ate; this is for you.” The redhead’s eyebrows rose. “Okay, well, maybe save me a box of Trix,” Toni said sheepishly as the sound of Cheryl’s laugh followed her into the bathroom. This was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is Cheryl unduly paranoid? we just don't know :]


	4. come on baby, let's ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riverdale, Vermont has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

          “Okay so we should be able to make it to Raystown Lake by early afternoon,” Toni said, looking over the map. Cheryl peered over her shoulder while she sipped on her frosty cherry coke.

          “We just follow 80 to 99?” she clarified, tracing a manicured nail down the yellow line of the interstate.

          “Right. It’s another 150 miles, give or take. Then we can set up camp there. Sound good?” Toni glanced up at her girlfriend’s flawless profile. Honestly, nothing could compare with her jawline; it blew Toni’s mind.

          “Is it true that there’s a whole town at the bottom of the lake?” Cheryl asked.

          “So they say,” Toni sighed and attempted to re-fold the map. Cheryl gingerly took it from her hands and Toni wordlessly accepted her drink in exchange. “You ready?”

          “TT, I was born ready.” Cheryl handed the map back with a flourish and went to snatch her drink back, letting her fingers linger for a moment against Toni’s as she did so. Toni couldn’t tell if her skin burned more from the sun or from Cheryl’s touch. “Shall we?” She spun on her heel and tossed the empty glass bottle into the trash bin outside the convenience store.

          Cheryl was eager to get moving again. Her uneasiness since the supposed visit from housekeeping hadn’t abated and she couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. She kept glancing in her mirrors to make sure they weren’t being followed but it was nearly impossible to tell through the curvy mountain roads. Her anxiety coupled with lack of sleep and sore muscles was making her irritable. Even through her rosy heart shaped sunglasses she could tell Toni’s expression dampened as she turned back to her red vintage Triumph and it made her angry with herself. She wanted so badly for this to be a good day, especially after the night they’d had.

          Toni hadn’t asked her about it – yet. She had eyed her warily as they had packed and readied themselves for the day and the redhead had tried to seem unaffected by her concerned stare. She wasn’t about to explain herself. What was there to explain, anyway? Everyone had nightmares once in a while.

          Toni spent most of the next hundred miles turning the previous night over in her head. She couldn’t rid herself of the image of Cheryl violently jerking away from her touch and sobbing against the wall, completely unreachable. Cheryl had been especially cold towards her today, aside from the one heated kiss this morning. Toni worried obsessively that Cheryl was angry with her for causing whatever that breakdown had been by waking her. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt her. They were deep in the switchbacks and she was trying to come up with a way to apologize when a reddish brown blur darted into the road.

          Cheryl saw the deer run out of the woods and watched in horrified slow motion as Toni skidded towards it. Toni was nearly touching the road as she screeched to a halt a hundred feet past it. Cheryl felt as though she was in a dream, staring into the buck’s blank black eyes as he turned his head to watch her pass. She coughed, choking on the smell of burning rubber as she pulled to a stop on the shoulder, killing the motor and slamming her kickstand down before sprinting towards her girlfriend. With both bikes off it was so quiet around them that Cheryl’s ears were ringing as if she’d been near an explosion.

          “What the _fuck_ , it’s eleven o’clock in the goddamn morning, aren’t you fucks supposed to be asleep at this time of day?” Toni screamed at the deer that was still stubbornly chewing the remainder of a branch as it stood in the middle of the road, unfazed.

          “Toni!” Cheryl was breathless. “Toni, are you –” the unmistakable sound of a semi broke the eerie silence that had followed their near-miss, drowning out Cheryl’s frantic voice as she pulled on Toni’s jacket-clad arm, trying in vain to get her out of the road.

          “Come on, come on,” Toni growled. After what felt like an eternity, Toni’s bike started again. The semi was baring down on them quickly, headlights blazing and horn blaring. Cheryl couldn’t see or hear any of it, except for the deer that stood stock still in the middle of the road, his eyes locked with hers. Toni grabbed Cheryl around the waist and hoisted her onto the gas tank as her engine revved, tires screeching once more as they lurched to the safety of the narrow shoulder near the guard rail. Cheryl’s eyes were glued to the deer, and she realized with growing horror that the semi was going to hit him. She shut her eyes tightly and cowered against Toni. The sound of the horn faded in the distance until she was left with the ringing in her ears and Toni’s shallow breaths against her shoulder.

          “Are you okay, baby?” Toni gently brushed the windswept copper hair behind her ear. They were both shaking. Cheryl was afraid of what she’d see if she looked back at the road. That deer had been mere inches from the semi's front bumper. She brought her unsteady arms up to Toni’s shoulders and clutched her tightly in a desperate hug.

          “You saved me again,” Cheryl said in quiet disbelief.

          “I think I have adrenaline to thank for that one. I don’t know how I picked you up with one arm.” Toni started to laugh and then she couldn’t stop as the relief washed over her. Cheryl joined in as her laughter grew. Both of them felt delirious, tears streaming down their cheeks as they sat on Toni’s bike on the side of the steep mountain road. A car passed, the driver honking once at the sight of the two girls embracing. Cheryl’s mood grew somber once again, the paranoia returning. Toni reached up to gently cup Cheryl’s jaw.

          “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want to keep going or sit for a minute?” Toni asked softly.

          “I’m fine, TT.” She stood on unsteady legs that felt as though they weren’t attached to her body, but wobbled only slightly. “I just want to get to the lake already and go swimming.”

          “I think you just want to see me in a swimsuit, Bombshell,” Toni grinned wolfishly. Cheryl rolled her eyes.

          “Perhaps,” Cheryl smirked. She steeled herself to turn back towards her bike and look at the road and whatever might lie there.

          “Cheryl,” Toni moved as if to grab her wrist before she could turn around but never followed through with the gesture. She bit her lip hesitantly.

          “Yes, TT?” Cheryl said, reaching out to grab her hand.

          “I…” Toni trailed off, suddenly lost in Cheryl’s deep brown eyes. The redhead’s eyebrows rose expectantly and Toni, uncomfortable with her own emotions, cleared her throat and ducked her head. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

          “I’m glad you are too.” Cheryl leaned down and kissed her gently. “Now let’s get going.” She squeezed Toni’s hand for both reassurance and strength before she turned back to her bike, eyes on the pavement in front of her the whole way. Once seated on her bike she had no choice but to look at the road before her, and was met with clean black asphalt. There was no way that deer jumped out of the way in time; she had expected to look up and see a blood bath. Part of her still expected to see a bloody smear as they continued down the mountain road, but it never came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did y'all panic while reading this like I panicked while writing it? this bitch has had too much coffee, let me tell you
> 
> hit me up on tumblr (@emiliefitch) if you want to yell at me or see some moodboards to go along with this fic


	5. let the illusion slow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new TW: there's some gore in this chapter

Raystown’s basin sat in the heart of the mountains that ran through Huntingdon County, Pennsylvania. Huntingdon wasn’t known for much, other than its sprawling brick college campus, an equally expansive and well-populated prison, and, lately, a steep rise of jingle-jangle users. The appeal of this particular pit stop was the submerged town said to lie beneath the lake. The mountainous borders housed sparse luxury estates like Lodge Lodge; the snowy mountain roads ensured that they were used only as summer homes, and as such, the area was quiet.  Raystown Lake welcomed them with a shabby, weather-beaten wooden sign that bared over the shadowed trailhead like a watchdog.

Cheryl struggled to keep her bike steady beneath her as the gravel crunched and shuffled under her tires. Her muscles still felt alien; her heeled boots skidded underneath her as she tried to steady her bike. Finally, she managed to wheel around Toni and back into a patch that sprawled out of the mouth of the trail. She turned her bike off with a relieved sigh as a ghost tremor of the vibration of the bike ran through her. Her face itched and stung from the wisps of hair that had escaped her braid and fluttered against her skin in the wind and although no amount of scratching could relieve it, she raked her nails around her hairline anyway.

Toni grimaced as she propped her foot up on her bike and brushed a gloved hand over her shins. No matter how much she loved it, she couldn’t get used to the amount of debris that stuck to her whenever she rode. The bug guts acted as a layer of sticky plaster that caught every speck of dust and dirt off the road, and driving down the gravel road made her look as though she’d been caught in a dust storm. She straightened with a sigh and felt her heartbeat distinctly in her throat as she looked over to see Cheryl bent over her bike, adjusting her lipstick in the mirror. The simplest things took her breath away when it came to her girlfriend. She thought of the first time she’d watched Cheryl putting on her iconic cherry red lipstick in the bathroom at Riverdale High.

 _“Oh that’s right, you’re new here. Hi! I’m Cheryl Blossom, aka Cheryl Bombshell, which means I need no reasons, I simply_ am _. Feel free to tremble.”_

Toni figured she’d been trembling ever since, but not for the reasons most people trembled in the face of a Blossom.

 

* * *

 

 

The girls set up camp in a small clearing near the water but close enough to the trees to be sheltered. Toni executed tasks methodically, pitching their tent, organizing their gear and tasking Cheryl all the while.

“Go get firewood, Cheryl; we can’t eat without a fire, Cheryl; nevermind your brand new fear of the woods, Cheryl,” the redhead parroted with increasing irritation and animation as she walked around the woods, anxiously glancing back towards their camp every few moments as she gathered branches to bring back to their fire. She had brought several armloads back already but Toni kept sending her back and consequently further away.

Cheryl huffed as she stood up again. The weight of the firewood was beginning to throw her off balance but she figured if she brought back a big batch this time maybe Toni wouldn’t send her off again. She tried to find her footing while peeking around the precarious stack in her arms, but all at once her boot caught and slipped. Before she could register the fall, she had landed heavily and was looking dizzily up at a world blurred through tears that pricked her eyes. The shock of it made her panic and she struggled to breathe again. _Calm down, Cheryl; just count to calm down._

 _One_.

The blood pounded in her ears and her throat burned. She focused on the tree nearest her; it was covered in deep gouges; the shredded bark blew slightly in the breeze, the extra movement doing nothing to stop the spinning. She shut her eyes tightly.

 _Two_.

Her body felt like it was on fire, the flush of shock and embarrassment radiated through her, emphasized with every beat of her heart and ragged breath through her mouth. The air was thick, humid and sweet across her tongue. She could feel the mud where she had slipped coating her legs, arms, and hands; the sensation on her bare skin was revolting.

 _Three_.

The forest was at once too loud and too silent. She opened her eyes; the shredded bark fluttered in her vision. She followed stark lines of the tree down to a softer branch that looked nearly velvety at its base. A fly buzzed by her and she recoiled from the sound.

 _Four_.

Her foot was tangled in a set of brambles so uniform it settled something in her panicked mind. Her expression relaxed. There was something familiar in the way it all connected – the light, defined branches that almost melted into a velvety base, the brambles that all fit into a sloping, staccato trunk. A squelching and cracking erupted as she pulled her ankle from where it had been caught. Suddenly, the branches detached from the trunk of the tree. The amorphous finally became familiar as the mass turned, revealing grotesque, protuberant features, and fell with a sickening thud.

 _Five_.

Toni heard Cheryl’s scream from a quarter mile away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes a constructive comment is all it takes to inspire a new chapter.


End file.
